Updated New Year’s Traditions for 2021

PARTY LIKE IT’S 20 … 21 …

There are many New Year’s traditions.

But, this year is a bit different.

Your updated list for the COVID Era — 2020–2021:

Beforetime: Carry Around an Empty Suitcase

Nowtime: Carry Around Unused Airline Voucher

Beforetime: Eat Black Eyed Peas and Collard Greens

Nowtime: Eat Expired Beans from Back of the Fridge

Beforetime: Make Lots of Noise

Nowtime: Mumble Loudly Through Your Mask

Beforetime: Wear Red Underwear

Nowtime: Wear Red Gaiters

Beforetime: Eat 12 Grapes at Midnight

Nowtime: Eat 12 Ibuprofen at Midnight

Beforetime: Clean Your House

Nowtime: And Your Car, Your Garage, Your Shoes, Your …

Beforetime: Put Cash in Your Wallet

Nowtime: Don’t Touch Your Debit Cards

Beforetime: Fill Your Cupboards with Groceries

Nowtime: Fill Your Doorway From DoorDash and Chewy

Beforetime: Open Your Doors and Windows

Nowtime: Lock Your Doors and Windows and then Duct Tape Them Shut

Beforetime: Kiss Someone at Midnight

Nowtime: Elbow-Bump Someone at Midnight

Beforetime: Eat Pork

Nowtime: Drink Bleach

Beforetime: Don’t Cry

Nowtime: Don’t Cough

Beforetime: Don’t Leave the House…

Nowtime: Yeah, Do This One

Beforetime: Skip Eating Lobster

Nowtime: Skip Eating at Red Lobster